Remembering Dad on his 19th death anniversary

"Daddy" -- 19 years back  this word vanished from my dictionary. "Daddy" this word wets everyones eyes but for me it wets my pants. Dr. P.N.Rajan that was the man who was destined to be my father.A man who was sent by God in our lives as a caretaker. A man whose life was governed by sets of disciplines and sets of do's and dont's for self and for the people in his life .He was the king and expected everybody to abide the rules laid by him and if disobeyed were served with severe punishments.If i look back into my past i can just remember punishments,fear,tear,that high pitched shrill voice always ready to take shit out of me ,those scary days and nites ,fear of doing something wrong and getting punishned. One of the punishments which  shivers me till my spine was being locked in the dark bathroom in the night for long and my mom pleading my dad to pardon me.

A man who had a dual personality .. he was the God for the masses, a social servant ... whose doors were always open for people  but at home he was worst then a hitler .. nobody could have even imagined that side of his personality... the world thought that we were the luckiest to a have a man like Dr. rajan in our  lives.. ... He was the man who earned so much of name, fame and love of people. He was a charmer,a man full of life.A man who was terrifically intelligent. A man whose brain worked  like a computer. A man who had amazing command over many languages. A man who took just fraction of seconds to solve the most complicated mathematical calculations . A man interstested in everything under the sky be it be poetry or films be it be a  sport or science.. name the topic and he can talk for hrs. and he was married to the dumbest lady on the earth but exquisite, loving , humble,soft spoken who was always there to massage his chauvinism and male ego,a lady for whom Dr. Rajan was a phenomena,a man not less than a filmi hero.

16th september  1992 the story ended . I and mi mom did not know how to react.. we were crying because everyone cries on death of their loved ones (?) .We did not know how to live without him. We were so used to be dictated that we did not know how to use our freedom.. we were lost.. .. We felt as if all our clothes were ripped off from our body and we were asked to do a naked parade in front of that crowd who was standing like a beast to pounch on us...But we survived and world taught us the theory of "survival of the fittest".

But Dad.. where ever you are may God bless your soul and i would like to confess that that was a better world in which you were the king and i and mom were your followers. Your punsihments were less severe than then the ones which world decided for us.

We  do miss u.....